Missing You

Friday, March 4, 2011


My brain is waffling between work and home today. I am up early to take care of some loose ends in e-mails and social media posts before heading off to my treadmill workout with Tamela. I scheduled a massage for late morning. I do look forward to that hour of indulgence.

Dana will be coming by today. She’s making her trip down from Marysville. This is her first chance to visit since Dave began home health care. Actually, I think since Christmas. Wow. Time slips by so fast. Other “kids” will be by over the weekend, too.

I think the rhythm of routine is changed. Since working from home there has not been much weekday / weekend distinction for me (other than my meet ups with friends for exercise). Dave and I are both work-steadily-all-the-time people. I think we’ve taken comfort in knowing we are in the same house together. Whenever one of has wanted to talk or run an idea past another, most of the time we have been available. Just drop by the home office!

I held an article in my hands the other day that I wanted Dave to read. It is nice to get that outside viewpoint and check for grammar or spelling errors. I don’t think I realized how much I’ve counted on my professional editor on board here for many years of writing. Not so much anymore. I was just holding the paper wondering if he could, would or should read it. He just doesn’t have the focus to read any longer. So he asked that I read it aloud. I had the comments I needed. But it was different. Another thread fades away.

Dave was telling Dedi stories about books and reading during her visit yesterday. He used to ride the bus by himself at the tender age of six to the library and back on Saturdays. Can you image that? Times were different 65 years ago. This is definitely one of the stories I’ll develop for his storybook. I’m writing little vignettes as they arise because one long narrative seems too daunting. As the stories come out for his new audience (no more lectures, now Dave orates life review for the family) I am finding natural themes emerge. I like this direction for telling his story (his-story, history).

That Dave is not keeping up with the political rhetoric in recent weeks has also been a surprise. I understand why now. It’s the audience thing. He would weave current political noise and viewpoints into his lectures for historical and US Constitution reference. Most of us just don’t have the widespread contextual background (or memory) that Dave does. He could easily be a political analyst talking head, or lawyer. And he did once think his life direction was a political cartoonist. I guess it’s just not as fun to rant to me alone. That’s OK.  But I do miss his passion for current events.

I miss. As the days go by I am accumulating a list of what I miss, even while he is still here.

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