Posts

Diverted by a Storm

Friday, October 28, 2011

7:15. I just want to squeeze in a couple of thoughts this morning before I head out to meet Tamela for our treadmill walk…

Dave’s had a few difficult days. After all the excitement and activities of the fundraiser and release of the TV segment we’ve had to get some extra rest and regroup (and I mean we!).
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Accepting Help

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Accepting help from others is one of the most difficult things for me to do. I don’t know if it is because I am so fiercely independent or if I have a martyrdom side to me. No, It’s simply independence, self-sufficiency. Pride.

Yet, the lesson I learned from the first cancer Dave had back in 1988-89 is that it is important to ask for and receive help. It lessens the stress on the primary caregiver and gives others who care about me and Dave the chance to show their care for him, for us. We all want to do something, to be needed and helpful. The generic “call me if you need me” rarely works. Just ask anyone who needs support!
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Incoming SCuDS

Friday, September 30, 2011

I “should” be doing other work this morning as I try to stay one step ahead of my pilot writing journal. The desire to launch the new program on October 1 won’t be met. I can’t count the slipped deadlines I’ve created and were passed unfulfilled. It’s understandable I’m told, but I don’t have to like it. At the same time, I suppose I have made notable progress, more forward than backwards.

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Sounds of Life

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Tip-tap tip-tap tip-tat. That’s the sound of me in my executive high heels staying just one step ahead of my work. I’m in a hurry for a good reason. The Navigating Grief online journal community is in pilot with some trustworthy friends. I am in the final stage before I invite everyone to join us. (Not much longer!) I am most excited because this is a fantastic and accessible tool for anyone wishing to discover themselves and in particular, their grief, through writing. It’s better than I had hoped.
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Day by Day

Friday, September 16, 2011

We are over the hump. Anniversary and Birthday are new memories. I can’t shake that anticipation / expectation feeling that came with these dates as they approached. I know that “the holidays” are next.

I have decided to look at every day as gravy. The no-fat variety. I didn’t expect to wake up with Dave by my side on these September morns. And, here we are. So these days are each and every one “gravy.” Yum!

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Not Guilty

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Guilt is the enemy of a caregiver.

I’ve always been a person who sees what I haven’t done rather than what I have accomplished. The never ending to-do list is an example. One of my professors pointed this out many years ago and ever since I realized he’s right, but I have yet to change the fact. I’m getting better, but I’m not quite over it! I don’t think I am so judgmental on others as I am on myself.
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Suspended

Sunday, July 24, 2011

It seems like a lifetime since I’d come home from my Sunday walk with Anne to find breakfast ready to be plated. There are no cooked eggs and grits awaiting me today. It has only been six months since Dave was knocked down by the cancer treatment and sentenced to retirement. Six months of change, six months of different, six months of a new normal. I eat my Quaker Oats granola quickly and without ceremony these days. Oats are good for the heart aren’t they?

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The Caregiver’s Validation

Thursday, July 14, 2011

When my eyes pop open and  my mind starts jabbering at 5:00 am I know it will be a Grief Reflection morning. I can’t go much past a week without pre-writing thoughts and narratives interrupting my thinking or work on other things. Writing has become a true habit for me. A year ago I would say I’m not “a journaler,” but now that has really changed! Never say never.
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