A New Year offers the opportunity for reflection, forgiveness and growth.
It is a time to step into the wants, what ifs and direction for the future.
For me, January 1, 2016 is the day I become visible again.
I have walked across another significant metaphorical loss bridge in my life.
I have gained unexpected strength, courage, heart and understanding.
I am whole in a way I didn’t know existed before this path.
I am grateful for all the lessons.
Now, I am here to guide you along your journey of healing for what you need to know.
I invite you to embrace the possibility that 2016 can be a Happy New Year
not in spite of loss, but because of loss.
May 2016 be a year of increasing your healthy self in Mind, Body, Spirit.
I’m sitting in a hotel room, just back from The Bahamas! Wow! How lucky am I? I’m sitting here wondering how to step back into the lives of you, whom I simply disappeared from a few months ago. My last Navigating Grief newsletter was sent in March just days after my mother died.
Believe me, I wasn’t in the Bahamas all this time! I went inward on a personal vacation of self development to compete the loss work that began with widowhood in 2012. This year, I unexpectedly sold the house, downsized and released the stuff that was the materials of my husband. Us. No longer. The house needed a family – life, energy. I am one person who could no longer fill the air. I closed my Olympia Discover-Create-Share Center office for a temporary office as I predicted not fully utilizing the larger space in upcoming months. I shifted direction in my healing arts studies. I disconnected from computers and electronics for the most part. I went into surgery for the hip replacement I’ve needed for a while now. All this was precipitated by my mother’s death in February 2015. Now a widow and an “orphan,” Who am I? Now? I must ask, once again. I even pushed my daughter – or did she push me? – well, both of us, from our comfy emotional nest and guilt-producing take-care-of-mom sense of obligation. I am emotionally and physically independent for the first time in over 30 years. I challenge what growing old means for how it is supposed to look, be, or limit my lifestyle. I am choosing, designing and loving life now, because of the process through grief! Liberated. Learning to be me.
History of Loss Becomes Possibilities Today
Since the initial diagnosis of my husband’s fatal cancer in 2010, all the time through and now swept along the crazy whirlwind of 2015, almost literally, I shifted a particular mantra in late summer. There was a pictorial acronym I found for HOPE: Hang On Pain Ends. It does. Really. When the pain ends, then what is HOPE? There must be more. HOPE: Hang On Possibilities Exist. It exists in the balance of mind, body and spirit. Another cliche of truth!
After years through ups and downs and evolutionary change of business model and definitions; deep, deep reaming out of the psychological stories and memories that have held me back through what I tell myself; physical challenges identified and meticulously, even painfully, repaired cell by cell and tissue by tissue; along with study and development of my healing energy techniques – chakra opening, Reiki, meditation, healing hands – I accept all I have come to know as my authentic self of today. I love her, I trust her and I embrace the qualities I might have judged others for in the past. Yes, I am my woo-woo, tree-hugger, nature-loving, composting, Feng Shui, all-is-energy aspect, and it is grounded in a base of arts and sciences and ongoing inquiry through mindfulness, coaching and education. I am secure in my sense of God for myself, a word that has brought great angst over the years. I am so comfortable I welcome open conversation since we both expand when speaking of our beliefs and truths. This deep and personal understanding came about because one can’t face bereavement without touching upon the conversation of what happens after death. If I am to do this calling to coach others after loss I had to fully examine my own beliefs. Knowing means I accept this is the integration of my work and self I have longed for – the recognized personal purpose we all seek out. I recognize that my health is my own responsibility for not only how I nourish my body, but in the choice for self care and true healing inside and out, physically and emotionally. I can no longer deny it: we do create illness, with the caveat that we start out with genetic coding, and is likely the product of many years of pattern. The good news is that we can reverse ailments into wellness. For the first in my life I can unabashedly exclaim, “It’s good to be me!”
Possibilities Exist! The coaching process examines and promotes Possibilities Exist but today I really live in the abundance of what this means. Possibilities Exist is the positive, hopeful energy of all that we want More Of for ourselves: Better health, more clarity in thought and direction, even more love which arises as the connection with people and the invisible energy of spirit in whatever form you chose to call this (God, Universe Life-force,The Source, or pure nothing/absence…). This abundance is closer and more available than you might think, but it requires that difficult dismantling of the ego and defenses that have come to protect us, yet usually is the culprit of separation from our own self and desires. Most importantly, I know how to walk and live this way.
So here I am heading into 2016 just as you do. I look behind my shoulder wondering, have I been enough? Grieved honorably and properly? Met my goals? But looking backwards is less important these days as I prefer the future for what Possibilities Exist to step into a fabulous, and yes, proverbial Happy New Year. It doesn’t change in fact that I won’t be able to come home and tell my husband my experiences, or I can’t call my mom or dad and tell them what’s up, but I suspect they already know. After all, Possibilities Exist. I am not alone.
And neither are you.