Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Where to start today?
OK, maybe I do have to admit that I am stressed, stretched to my limit.
A couple of days ago I walked into the garage to find my freezer was bleeding. That’s what it looked like! A big gooey dark liquid streak was fanning out across the floor. There was a second line drawn on the floor, too, only light in color. Damn. I didn’t close the door all the way. There goes probably $100 or more in food.
I shut the freezer door. Then I headed inside the house closing out the task for now. It will still be there tomorrow. This is not a self-defrosting freezer! Ice and dead food. Yuk. The garage smells a little fishy.
“If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, he’s going to ask for a glass of milk.” That’s how I’m feeling: One more thing leads to one more thing.
Thursday night is garbage night. I’ll need to empty the freezer then. To defrost and clean it I’ll need to make sure the flow of melting ice doesn’t wend its way along the floor to the garage bay overflowing with storage of things – Leah’s, mine, old furniture, archives of Dave’s files.. At least without Dave’s van there is some extra space… barely.
And then there is Dave’s college office. It needs to be emptied. There are many volunteers anxious to go do this, but where are we going to store everything? It’s literally a load of stuff to add to my angst. The garage task is doubled. This is a difficult job to delegate since there are decisions to be made about “stuff.”
It’s the little things that are getting to me at this moment. My car’s turn signal lights also died this week. I’m not trying to be clever or funny; I’ve always used the words dead/ died for these types of problems. OK, add “drop by Firestone” to the list. It’s will only take a few minutes.
I am off balance. Literally. For the past week I’ve been ignoring, the best I am able, my internally swaggering walk that occurs because my equilibrium is off. Inner ear? Migraine-related? Virus? Allergies? Something worse? Nothing? Psychosomatic?!
I’ve actually been dealing with some form of light-headedness and changing blood pressures for months. I know a doctor’s visit will yield the “could it be stress?” yet I went yesterday against my sense of finding out anything worthwhile. So, of course, lab results are all normal (that’s a good thing). My doctor asked not about stress, but anxiety. Subtle! Really, I feel the anxiety comes from having to deal with my own medical stuff on top of everything else. Along with an overflowing garage and toxic freezer and broken blinkers and… and, a host of so many other little things.
Like dreams, I can’t help but recognize the irony in what I manifest, this time physically. I am off-balance. Imagine that! How do you tip the scales to even out when one is already following the protocols of good healthy self-care?