Grief Love

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Checking in…

I am really doing well at this moment. I think I have stepped onto the path of my “new normal” and it is safe and has direction. I feel the pull to do a little more wrap up here so there is a sense of resolution if for no one else but myself.

It has been four and a half months since Dave died and just short of six weeks since my surgery. Three weeks since I’ve written here! (Writing does become habitual.)
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I Need Me

Sunday June 10, 2012

It is not unusual for me to wake up with a song playing in my head. Well, actually I haven’t had one in a long time as I think about it. But this morning, after a few minutes awake in bed, here came the words, a song Dave would take lead vocal in his bluegrass days: “Don’t you call my name, ‘cause I won’t answer, Don’t you call my name, ‘cause I won’t be there.” Ouch. I’ll just let this sit a while.
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Post-Op

Monday, June 4, 2012

Arggggghhhhh. I want to scream aloud. A long, cathartic, unbridled yell of release. Frustration. Grief. Loss. Fear. Aloneness. Angst. Pain. I just want to let it all fall away with the sound of a scream. I want to be like a snake that moults its skin. Crawls right out of itself and emerges anew – sleek, smooth, shiny and refreshed. I want to leave the crusty image of myself, the remnants of what is old and meant to be left behind.

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